I am making progress on the list, but I haven't made any blog posts on it lately. I'm hoping to get a couple done tomorrow, but this is fresh in my mind, and I feel I need to get it out there. The following isn't really a thing, but it's related to the list, so it belongs here.
I had two of the most discouraging moments tonight, on a long drive home with my dad. Basically, I ended up talking about my singing lessons a little bit (I had my second singing lesson on Friday, which was quite delightful), and my dad made some comments about how nice this is "for now" and "if your job situation changes, you'll have to stop your singing lessons", etc. and it just generally implying that this was a passing fancy (been singing since high school, btw), and that I wasn't going to keep up with that. Overall, it really pissed me off. He then went on to talk about how he thought I should have pursued this a long time ago and how he thought I had potential.
The second moment was when he started saying something along the lines of "about your list," which continued on and contained phrases like "double edged sword," and it can "feel great because you accomplish some things, but that it can become an obsession, too, and you have to be careful, bullshitbullshit." This is such horseshit.
Every time I've been involved in the arts in some way, he's just so damn concerned that I'm somehow going to get in the way of making a living. He doesn't seem to think I could make money, therefore it's not worth pursuing. Truth is, if I had focused on some of these things when I should have, I could be good enough to feed myself.
He's been talking to me like this all my life. All I've ever had is potential, and I've never felt really supported by him. It's as though he's worried that if I stick my neck out, and work really hard at something, I'll end up being disappointed. He's a good person and he means well, but at times like this, it's difficult not to see him as an asshole.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Thing #62 - Comb through my digital photos and delete the ones I don't want.
I should get better at naming my Things. That's ridiculously long. I guess it doesn't really matter, truth is, I completed this thing over the past weekend, and I feel much better for it.
Like many of us, I have a digital camera. I love my digital camera. The ex-boyfriend helped me pick it out at an electronics liquidation outlet, so it was a great deal, and because he was there I knew I was getting the best one they had. Say what I want about my ex, he knew his gadgets (alright, let's face it: he should have, it was his goddamn job).
I'm very good at cluttering up different areas of my life, and my computer is no different. I love taking pictures, but I hate uploading them onto the computer. Once I have uploaded them, they usually just sit there in a folder on my computer, taking up space. Those folders really needed to be cleaned out.
Coupling my hatred for dealing with digital photos with the simple fact that the subjects of those photos are from a different time for me, a time when I was in love and thought I was on the road to marriage and all sorts of good things. When I was making love regularly, sometimes cooking for two, and any plans that were made were usually made taking someone else into account. My digital photos are filled with evidence of a relationship that, now that it's over, it's easy for me to believe it never existed. Armed with a glass of wine, I opened up the first folder.
His once warm and reassuring smile just looked smug and condescending.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete, delete, OMG DELETE.
I didn't delete all of them. I don't think there's much sense in completely ignoring my past. Not to mention, a great deal of what I did delete was either fuzzy or contained my thumb. I did get rid of a lot of them, though. There's a bunch still up on Facebook, but I'm just going to leave them be. They're not taking up any space on my computer, and if I do move to untag or delete the pictures, he'll see that I still think of it, in some way. Of course, part of me wants to do it first, before his next girlfriend asks him to do it.
At any rate, my picture folders on my computer have been cleaned up, and I feel much better for it. Truth be told, it wasn't as tough as I was worried it would be.
Like many of us, I have a digital camera. I love my digital camera. The ex-boyfriend helped me pick it out at an electronics liquidation outlet, so it was a great deal, and because he was there I knew I was getting the best one they had. Say what I want about my ex, he knew his gadgets (alright, let's face it: he should have, it was his goddamn job).
I'm very good at cluttering up different areas of my life, and my computer is no different. I love taking pictures, but I hate uploading them onto the computer. Once I have uploaded them, they usually just sit there in a folder on my computer, taking up space. Those folders really needed to be cleaned out.
Coupling my hatred for dealing with digital photos with the simple fact that the subjects of those photos are from a different time for me, a time when I was in love and thought I was on the road to marriage and all sorts of good things. When I was making love regularly, sometimes cooking for two, and any plans that were made were usually made taking someone else into account. My digital photos are filled with evidence of a relationship that, now that it's over, it's easy for me to believe it never existed. Armed with a glass of wine, I opened up the first folder.
His once warm and reassuring smile just looked smug and condescending.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete, delete, OMG DELETE.
I didn't delete all of them. I don't think there's much sense in completely ignoring my past. Not to mention, a great deal of what I did delete was either fuzzy or contained my thumb. I did get rid of a lot of them, though. There's a bunch still up on Facebook, but I'm just going to leave them be. They're not taking up any space on my computer, and if I do move to untag or delete the pictures, he'll see that I still think of it, in some way. Of course, part of me wants to do it first, before his next girlfriend asks him to do it.
At any rate, my picture folders on my computer have been cleaned up, and I feel much better for it. Truth be told, it wasn't as tough as I was worried it would be.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Days one and two.
My list of 101 Things in 1001 Days officially kicked off on April 29, 2011, my 29th birthday. I wasn't looking forward to this birthday, so I felt I needed something to make the occasion a positive one instead of it simply feeling like another reminder of a period of time in which I could have accomplished more than I had.
My end date for the list is January 24, 2014.
Day one was a fun day. On day one, I set some of my things in motion. Number 4 on my list "Start an RRSP," and I swung by the bank to make an appointment. I've set aside a nice chunk of change that can be transferred right in when I set up the account. So, that's moving along nicely.
I was inspired by Colleen's Thing #16 - "Buy myself a diamond ring from Tiffany's for my 30 birthday," and added "Buy myself a piece of jewelry" as number 61 on my list. On my birthday, I wandered into the local jewelry store. I have a lot of very nice baubles, but they've all been given to me as gifts, I've never really gone into a store and chosen something for myself. I found a lovely little ring with two aquamarine stones flanking a sapphire and purchased it. I would say this was a very spontaneous move on my part, but I had tried on pretty much everything in the store at that point; I'd had time to think about it. Plus, it was half of the price listed on the tag, so I couldn't say no to that, now, could I? Sadly, I don't actually have it yet, it is being sized.
I also purchased a dress on Friday, which will help me accomplished Thing #38 "Wear only dresses for 1 week." I had a great day; my Visa didn't.
On Saturday, I put two more of my things in motion. I had supper with my stepmother and some of her girlfriends. They're a really nice bunch of women, and I'm hoping this will lead to the completion of thing #47 "Find 1 new group of friends (not to the exclusion of friends I already have)." I can't explain how I'll know when I've completed this one, but I think I will just know when it has happened. One of these ladies is a piano/singing teacher, so I was able to start on thing #51 "Take 5 Singing Lessons." My first lesson is next Sunday!
I was inspired by Colleen's Thing #16 - "Buy myself a diamond ring from Tiffany's for my 30 birthday," and added "Buy myself a piece of jewelry" as number 61 on my list. On my birthday, I wandered into the local jewelry store. I have a lot of very nice baubles, but they've all been given to me as gifts, I've never really gone into a store and chosen something for myself. I found a lovely little ring with two aquamarine stones flanking a sapphire and purchased it. I would say this was a very spontaneous move on my part, but I had tried on pretty much everything in the store at that point; I'd had time to think about it. Plus, it was half of the price listed on the tag, so I couldn't say no to that, now, could I? Sadly, I don't actually have it yet, it is being sized.
I also purchased a dress on Friday, which will help me accomplished Thing #38 "Wear only dresses for 1 week." I had a great day; my Visa didn't.
On Saturday, I put two more of my things in motion. I had supper with my stepmother and some of her girlfriends. They're a really nice bunch of women, and I'm hoping this will lead to the completion of thing #47 "Find 1 new group of friends (not to the exclusion of friends I already have)." I can't explain how I'll know when I've completed this one, but I think I will just know when it has happened. One of these ladies is a piano/singing teacher, so I was able to start on thing #51 "Take 5 Singing Lessons." My first lesson is next Sunday!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)